by Vicki

It is Tuesday night. I should be trying to write something for the group tomorrow, but I am playing solitaire on my computer instead. It’s easier to play solitaire than to write. In fact it’s kind of mindless and, unfortunately, kind of addictive for me. I find that if I have a few minutes to kill, I will play solitaire on my computer. I tell myself I will just play a few games and then stop. I tell myself I need to do this to relax. Then I can end up playing for an hour or more. The bad part is that I then feel like I have wasted my time and I get kind of angry with myself. So I make a pledge to myself not to play solitaire anymore. But I only keep the pledge for a day or two and then I sneak back and start up again. So then I change my pledge to only playing four games at a time. Since my computer is older, it takes longer for programs to open – most programs that is, but not solitaire. So I will open up a web browser to check my email and while it is loading, I will allow myself to play 4 games of solitaire. This will not be wasting my time, since I’m waiting to get on the internet anyway. I make a deal with myself to only play until the internet browser is up. Sometimes I keep the deal, sometimes I don’t. I find if I’m winning at solitaire, it is easier for me to quit after a few games. But when I’m losing, I get sucked into the game – into the feeling that the next game will be the winning one. However, I can spend a lot of time looking for that winning game.

So I am admitting to you that I waste time playing a computer game. And even though I try not to do it, I still do it. As I was shutting down my computer Tuesday night, I reminded myself that I hadn’t written anything for the writing group. And then I thought about why I hadn’t written anything. And then I decided to write about why I hadn’t written anything. So now you know.

April, 2012

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