Carrying the Weight

By Sally

Some people get so involved with other peoples’ lives they take on the character of a family member or their “one and only” helper-counselor. They make it their only concern. They are not lacking activity in their own lives, but for some reason think they are or have the answer to everyone’s problems. Friendships become their continual quest, and it becomes so intense in them that they get upset if they are not included when a problem happens or an event occurs.

Being helpful is not a bad thing, but when Facebook is glued to their eyes – all day and night – I, on my part, think that’s a little overboard.

I help people a lot, but with limitations. There comes a point to where people just wait for someone to help without helping themselves. If you jump in and immediately start to straighten out someone else’s problem, you’re taking it right out of their hands, and not giving them a chance to see what they can do. But there’s a warning to doing that, and that is if it goes wrong, your “friend” will say, “You told me . . .”

Unless you’re a professional counselor or really experienced, you shouldn’t take someone else’s problem to heart. I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase “tough love.” Well, there are times when that is needed. And it hurts you to do that probably more than who you are doing it to.

I’m not banning Facebook. There are some good things on it. Enjoy it! But keep your limitations. Somehow I feel like it’s on the line of gossiping and that’s not good.

If a friend comes to you for help, by all means help them. But don’t make it your life. It’s not the greatest thing to take your experiences and insert them into your friend’s problem, expecting what you did will work for another. Everything is not the same. It may be the same in regards to the problem, but really, it’s not the same.

So, don’t walk away; just be a good friend and listen. Ask questions. Sometimes through questions the answer will come. Be helpful – yes, considerate and caring – yes, but when you insert your life into others it could bring about a bigger problem.

None of us has lived long enough to have the answers for everyone, even though we think so. Keep yourself off that pedestal and be a good friend by listening. Even paid professionals don’t have all the answers. Only God has them all.

So, if your friend doesn’t know the Lord you can help by praying for her. That’s being the best friend you can be without getting some unwanted feedback.

October 2015

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