sleeping upside down

by kat

lately, i’ve been sleeping upside down. well, not physically upside down, but my days and nights have somehow been reversed. i’m certain this didn’t happen all at once. it just sort-of crept up a few minutes at a time, until it s e e m e d as though it happened suddenly.

when evening comes i usually have a bite to eat while watching a movie or an episode of a tv series. after eating, i dim the lights, sit back and let netflix whisk me off on some adventure that has little to do with reality. i have quite enough reality all day long.

real pain, real exhaustion, real memory issues, family trouble. too much real. if my computer is down, leaving me netflix-less, i read to leap from my reality into some adventure or other. but, i digress. the subject is sleep. or, more aptly, lack thereof at night and the loss of my days to the sand-man, hereafter referred to as ‘sandperson’.

unfortunately, and though i am loathe to admit it, i think i know the cause of this phenomenon. it all began when i bought an android tablet at the suggestion of a friend, to occupy myself as i lay in bed healing from an accident.

since i had recently moved into a very small rv, i had let my desktop go into storage with the rest of my material possessions. my plan was to live on the simplest terms in order to take an over-the-road trip, travelling through areas of the country i wanted to spend more time in.

i had intended to purchase a laptop or tablet in order to remain in touch with friends and family while i was away. now, one reason i wanted to travel was to be able to take my time and soak in the beauty of nature in other areas; to discover whatever was waiting there for me to learn.

as much as i love to teach, i love to be the student. physically unable to travel after the accident, i spent time exploring the internet, absorbing whatever i found interesting and learning to let go of what i could not remember.

‘armchair traveling’. i think it’s called l e a r n i n g. along the way, i fell in love. not with a person, but with the seemingly unlimited world of the internet. my mind raced from one article, bit of information, video, or word game, to the next. little by little, my dinnertime, and therefore my relaxation time were pushed a bit later and a bit later.

my body’s need to unwind for a few hours before sleep remained the same. so, little by little, bedtime was suddenly somewhere around three a.m. (my cats look at me askance: why aren’t you asleep? is this supper or breakfast?) and, little by little, my body adapted to these hours. well, sort-of. until i have a doctor’s appointment or writing group or what-have-you and have to get up two or three hours after going to sleep.

can you say sleep-deprivation? often now, i am unable to fall asleep until three, four, or even six in the morning. try as i might (or might not) i cannot seem to get changed back around. i guess most of the time it really doesn’t matter, since i don’t have to get up early and go to a job.

for now i suppose i will continue trying to make small time adjustments, attempting to gain my days back, perusing the internet and l e a r n i n g.

June 2015

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