asking for help

By Kat

having been strong, independent, and a diy sort for more years than i can remember, i have found myself in a very difficult position. i am physically very weak, cognitively challenged by fibro-fog, and emotionally drained. it seems that most of my myriad health issues are progressive, which means that they are and will continue to get worse.

because of health problems, more often than not i face saying no to friends who want me to visit or go somewhere with them. aside from the chronic pain and often-debilitating fatigue, what challenges me most is asking for help. that is something i have seldom had to do in my adult life. after doing for myself for so long and also helping others, i see that i took some pride in those abilities.

i now find myself in a most untenable position. not only am I unable to do my own repairs or stand long enough to prepare my own meals, i haven’t the strength or energy to clean my own house. at quite a cost for one living on social security alone, i now order paleo, gluten-free meals which only require a couple minutes in the microwave. six meals that are fresh, never frozen, arrive every saturday. additionally, i have finally been added to pcoa’s list of disabled people waiting for at-home aid. having procrastinated too long, my house has become impossibly dirty.

as things stand now, my health will never improve in any way. i am constantly researching each illness, injury, and syndrome looking for new possibilities. there are three, possibly four, procedures that give me hope toward relieving much of the unrelenting pain. after exploring these options with doctors, i am convinced that these are my very best hope. neither of the first two are covered by insurance, and both are a long way from my affordability.

since this story is about asking for help, i will not go into detail here about specific diagnoses or the methods which could lead to some relief. today i will be deciding whether or not to do what I find the most difficult of all to ask for. the question at hand is, shall I start a go-fund-me page asking for financial assistance for the procedures? i set today as the final day to make a decision. i still have mixed feelings about asking and am needing to complete a tiny bit more research on fees.

July 2019